The LOVE GURU

“The LOVE GURU” (Michael Meyers, Jessica Alba, Romany Malco & Dusty Craterlake)

Someone has to tell Mike Meyers putting Verne Troyer in every one of your movies is dumb! However, in this case, ‘dumb’ is the theme of ‘Love Guru’ - I haven’t heard this many weak attempts at humorous lines since ‘I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry’;
In other words, this should make quite a few ‘Worst movies of ‘08’ lists come yearend.
The good news – Jessica Alba is a very pretty woman. The bad news – everything else that’s in this movie isn’t (very pretty, nor humorous)
Meyers, as Guru Pitnik, longs to become the world’s #1 Guru, knocking off Deepak Chopra. He does this by agreeing to help the Tiger Woods of hockey, Darren Roanoke (Played by the usually entertaining Romany Malco) win his estranged wife back from the goalie of the L.A. Kings, Jacques Grande (Dusty Craterlake in another role that isn’t going to make him a movie star)
First off, Hello, ‘Shrek’ – nobody is going to care outside of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, if Guru Pitnik helps the Toronto Maple Leafs win ‘Stanley’s Cup’, so even if you’re successful no one in this country will care! & #2 – Mike Meyers is a Canadian; so how come in this ‘authentic’ (in that the NHL allowed the use of the names of actual teams to be used) hockey story were games 4 & 5 both played in L.A. As any hockey fan knows, the NHL sticks to the 2-2-2-1 formula & the NBA is the league that does the ‘cheesy’ 2-3-2 home court ‘advantage’. (Just a personal gripe – little mistakes like that bug me!)
Ben Kingsley, in his most embarrassing appearance EVER plays Pitnik’s cross-eyed Maharishi Mahesh Yogi & the aforementioned Verne ‘MiniMe’ Troyer inexplicably plays the coach of the Maple Leafs for no other reason than he can logically slug Meyer’s Guru Pitnik in the nuts...
Meyers constantly grins & mugs for the camera in such an annoying way you just want to smack him across the face & tell him to ‘change the expression’! He grins as he ‘picks’ his sitar & sings Dolly Parton’s “9 To 5”... Wait a minute, isn’t that the title song to another (& much, much better) movie? Near the end (& believe me, you’re grateful when it comes!) he does the same shtick with Steve Miller’s “The Joker” with similar non-comical results. & they miss out on a musical parody that just might have worked;
Roanoke’s straying wife’s name is Prudence. At one point Guru Pitnik’s face is (poorly) inserted into a photo of The Beatles. Any fan of the Fab Four already sees the connection – John Lennon’s “Dear Prudence” was actually written in India. They could have done a take off on Cyrano De Bergerac & had Roanoke attempt to win Prudence back by lip syncing the song while exceptionally white Mike Meyers hid in the bushes with his sitar and sang.
This is just a bad movie, folks – even the hockey scenes are phony – Malco’s hockey superstar gets beaten up on the ice & not a single penalty is called until he retaliates & then he gets a two game suspension. & what happens in the final :30 of game 7 of the Finals is so ridiculous... well, like I said, you’re just glad that it’s finally close to being over!