HOW DO YOU KNOW?

“HOW DO YOU KNOW?” (Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson & Jack Nicholson)

How do you know if the movie you’re about to watch sucks? You’ll know when you see ‘How Do You Know?’
How do you know when one of your favorite actors, an iconic actor’s actor has lost his touch? You’ll know when you see ‘How Do You Know?’
How do you know when a movie that’s advertised as a comedy isn’t the least bit funny? You’ll know when you see ‘How Do You Know?’

Oh, how do I loathe thee, ‘How Do You Know?’ Let me count the ways...

At first I thought perhaps I’d set my expectations of being entertained by this cast too high but when I realized more than a half an hour had gone by and I hadn’t laughed at a single line - didn’t even cracked a smile, I knew I was watching a crappy film. With James L. Brooks at the helm, it was reasonable for me to expect, at the very least, a mildly amusing film.
Paul Rudd’s likeability rating plummets here – in the past he’s had an uncanny ability to raise the bar on the material he’s given just because the guy is so darned likeable, but an even bigger disappointment is Jack Nicholson. It seems as though after being snubbed for Best Supporting Actor in ‘The Departed’, Jack has taken the stance of ‘F’ all of you, I’m not even going to try anymore! He wanders into scenes looking like he’s forgotten his lines. A possible reason for this is he remembers that the lines he was given to say aren’t humorous so he’s trying to think of something witty to say on the fly but since his character is such a bland butthead he can’t come up with anything appropriate.
The main problem here are the unrealistic characters – they all have strong ‘quirks’; which is normally a good thing, you want your characters to be unique – but none of these characters behave like actual human beings so they aren’t relatable.
Paul Rudd is George. In the opening scenes George is dumped by his girlfriend and loses his lucrative job with his father’s company because his ineptness has lead to a fraud indictment. Dad (Jack) seems torn because he wants to help his son, but can’t because he is forbidden by the company lawyers from having any contact with him.
Reese Witherspoon’s Lisa is even more pathetic; she’s a 31 year old whose ‘job’ is playing for the USA’s women’s Olympic softball team... I wasn’t aware that you could make a living by playing non-professional women’s softball. Her life is shattered when she doesn’t make the final cut and is kicked off the team. I’m sorry, but I had zero sympathy for this woman – besides the unrealistic fact that there isn’t a single woman in America that makes a living from playing on the Olympic softball team – I’m quite certain that in the real world those ladies all have actual jobs where they earn enough money to survive and the softball team is more or less their hobby - but to still be having softball as your ‘occupation’ at age 31? They could at least have shown her endorsing a product or two to make it more believable.
Owen Wilson plays Matty (not Alou) a relief pitcher for the Washington Nationals.
Lisa meets Matty shortly before going on a blind date with George. Shortly after her blind date with George, Lisa accepts Matty’s invitation to move in with him. This is a man she barely knows, yet is willing to become his live-in lover at the drop of a hat.
Even more bewildering is the blind date with George – they’re both miserable, so Lisa comes up with the brilliant suggestion that they not speak during their date – Just eat and call it a night. George ACTUALLY thinks this is brilliant and he falls hopelessly in love with Lisa simply because she didn’t want to hear about his troubles because she had so many of her own. Like I said, quirky people, but not funny nor entertaining.
The one time I chuckled was when Matty comes home to find Lisa in their apartment with George. Matty, in his boring babbling way, tells Lisa he’s not happy with her bringing strange men into ‘his’ apartment. Lisa storms out leaving the two men standing in the doorway. Matty says, “I think I just blew it.” George replies, “Not from my point of view.”
That SHOULD have been the springboard to turn this story into something interesting by developing a grudge match between the men as they try to one-up each other to impress and win Lisa – Instead they just go about their boring little lives being milquetoast pansies.
How do you know you should avoid this movie? You’ll know when you finish reading my review of “How Do You Know?” Which you have.