The TOURIST

“The TOURIST” (Johnny Depp & Angelina Jolie)

Sometimes there’s a fine line between clever and stupid. Case in point; the final scenes of ‘The Tourist’ – I’m sure the three screenplay writers thought they were being witty with their surprise twist of an ending, but I thought it totally ruined an otherwise pleasurable film. I shan’t reveal the twist, of course, but now you know there is one & it’s ridiculously stupid & ruins the movie.
I liked ‘The Tourist’ up until the final scenes – in that way it’s akin to ‘Inglorious Basterds’, except that it wasn’t nearly as much fun as ‘I.B.’ leading up to the disappointment.
One thing that was odd about the pairing of Depp & Jolie – very little chemistry develops. Yet, I liked Depp as the Wisconsin math teacher on vacation in Italy & Jolie as the love interest of the mysterious Alexander Pearce; a man that embezzled over 2 billion euros from a ruthless drug dealer. Together they worked when Depp’s naive Frank Tuppalo was obviously awe-struck by Jolie’s Elise Ward. With the exception of her fat-assed lips, Jolie is dazzling throughout ‘The Tourist’ – whether walking solo thru the streets of Venice or in a crowded fancy ballroom, Elise stands out, not just from the other humans but from the scenery as well. Depp, on the other hand, looks disheveled most of the time; & not at all like someone the glamorous Elise would find the least bit interesting.
Her reason for approaching him in the first place made sense, but when she checks into a luxurious hotel with him as ‘husband & wife’, it starts to look a little fishy. It’s when they start to make it appear as though Elise isn’t just ‘using’ Frank, but desires him that they just don’t mesh. It was weird. They had chemistry when chemistry wasn’t called for & had none when it was needed.
‘The Tourist’ starts off interesting; gains momentum with Frank’s arrival and then peters out to a sputtering, idiotic climax.
It starts with Elise going out for her morning coffee being watched by every possible surveillance device known to mankind. When she receives a letter from a courier, those spying on her go nuts; arresting the kid that delivered the message and saving the ashes from the note after Elise burns it, as instructed.
The letter is from A. P. who tells Elise to catch a certain train and then find someone with his height & build and then make ‘them’ believe he’s me. Naturally Elise finds Frank and the wheels of an intriguing entertaining tale of mistaken identity is set in motion.
Unfortunately the wheels go flat with the appalling finale.
There are some whimsical lines, mostly Frank’s, but it wasn’t nearly as funny as I hoped it would be. The best line was revealed in the preview; “No, when you downgrade murder to attempted murder it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but when you upgrade it from room service it becomes quite serious.” & Frank’s continual use of Spanish, thinking it’s close enough to Italian that the inhabitants should be able to understand him bring a few chuckles = but there aren’t any, & I hate to use this expression, ‘laugh out loud’ moments. It was enjoyable, but a fun ride that ends with dissatisfaction is worse than a slow ride that ends with a bang – because as I walked out of the theatre I felt cheated by the writers for making me think I was going to enjoy their show and then performing a cheap, seen-it-a-thousand-times before card trick that sent me home feeling disappointed.