PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 4

“PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 4 : ON STRANGER TIDES” (Johnny Depp)

Just so you know... I thought the first Pirate movie was marginally well done (for a film based on an amusement park ride) The 2nd I could do without & when my wife told me she wanted to see the third installment, I briefly considered asking for a divorce, but knew no one else would put up with my sarcasm, so I bit the bullet & took her to see it... The only redeeming value of the sequels is that Kiera Knightly was in them – something pleasant to look at while the bad movie played out. Keira isn’t in this one – thus, it’s the worst Pirate movie ever...
Eye rolling dialogue such as : (Jack Sparrow to Penelope Cruz) “How can you say that I used you?” (Cruz) “Because you did!” (Sparrow) “I know, but how can you SAY it?”
Seriously? & a couple of people chuckled at this chuckleheaded dialogue?
Speaking of Cruz, here she plays a woman with a thick Latino accent – how does she do that in every film she’s in? I’m just amazed that every character she plays speaks in the exact same voice as all of her previous characters – incredible!
The first half hour is nothing but silly chases & swordfights on land. Then the action changes dramatically – to swordfights on a ship!
Geoffry Rush is back (I’d rather look at Keira, thank you) as Hector... Didn’t he die in one or two of the sequels? At least he looks like a legitimate pirate, unlike Depp’s Captain Jack Flash, er, I mean Sparrow who looks more like a member of the Village People (circa 1978) than an authentic pirate of the Caribbean...
There is one new addition to this quad-quel that made it interesting; mermaids.
The mermaids were very cool. Beautiful topless chicks that turn into ‘Jaws’ –
nice touch.
But alas, they are only onscreen for a brief period...
The thing about the other ‘Pirate’ movies is that they weren’t stereotypical ‘pirate movies’ ALL of the time. This one is. More buckles are swashed than in all of Erroll Flynn’s movies put together.
The premise of this swashbuckling bonanza is the search for the fountain of youth.
Ian McShane plays Blackbeard – the meanest pirate there ever was; why, he once made a man walk the plank just for snoring – and the whole idea of ‘Pirates 4’ is that Jack Sparrow has to lead Blackbeard & his daughter (Cruz) to the fountain of youth so Blackbeard can have eternal life. When they finally make it to the elusive fountain – with really gnarly effects such as water dripping upside down – what do you suppose happens? That’s right, another elongated swordfight.