WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

“WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE” (Max Records)
I don’t have a single solitary positive thing to say about “Where The Wild Things Are”.
It was listed as the #1 & #2 best movies of 2009 by the 'At The Movies' critics, so I decided to spend $3 to see what they thought was great filmmaking... Now I know – Don’t trust these two nitwits, their taste runs from ultra-snooty to ridiculously juvenile (‘Wild Things’ belonging in the latter category)
What was there to like about this rotten movie? The ‘Wild Things’ look like rejected Muppets on steroids & most of the film looks as though it was shot in someone’s back yard in Graham. I could see where maybe 5-to-8 year olds would enjoy it because I’m sure the dialogue was written by a group of them.
Expecting to dislike it, I took notes. Here’s what I wrote with my added comments in parenthesis.
Screaming kid bullies dog (Who doesn’t want to watch a defenseless animal being tortured?)
Brat starts snowball fight (He cries when his victims retaliate in fun - destroys his sisters bedroom afterward)
Teacher tells class ‘sun won’t burn forever’ (Why would he say that?)
Brat goes berserk over nothing (When asked to tell his sister to clean off the kitchen table)
He bites down hard on his mother’s shoulder & screams “I hate you!” (Cute kid, eh?)
Steals boat- sails out to sea (Would have been a better movie if the boat overturned & he drowned)
There’s no relating to this kid – he’s an obnoxious brat...
The rest of my notes basically follow the lame ‘plot’ of Max (the brat, decently portrayed by Max Records) meeting the Wild Things on the Island of Forgotten Overgrown Muppets On Steroids & becoming their ‘King’ simply because he tells them he was king of the Vikings – He tells them stupid, moronic stories that only another 8 year old would believe – The Muppets themselves are quite juvenile & naive; when they ask Max why he left home he tells them, “I don’t like frozen corn.” . . . There is no follow up question.
Every character in this movie is childish, selfish & stupid – The whole project is just plain dumb.
Now, those of you who have seen this & liked it I’m sure are thinking that I ‘just didn’t get’ the connection between the Muppets & Max’s real family – I did. You’d have to be an idiot not to be able to connect those two dots – it’s so obvious, it’s simplistic.
Max starts a ‘war’ selecting who the good guys are & who the bad guys are & they start throwing dirt clods at one another (Ala the ‘snowball fight’) The problem is, Max considers himself to be a ‘good’ guy when in fact he is a stubborn destructive brat.
It isn’t hard to figure why Max was a loner at home – no one would want a nasty little sh*t like him for a friend.
At one point in my notes I wrote, ‘this is an awful movie – I’m thinking about walking out it is so immature & childish.’
‘King’ Max makes all of the Muppets feel bad about themselves & their lives... just like he did back home with his family. I really wanted Tony Soprano to either whack him, or eat him so this would have a happy ending.
Like Max, the Tony Soprano muppet is only happy when he’s being violent & abusive (He tears the ‘wing’ off of the chicken muppet but strangely enough doesn’t bar-b-q it & eat it)
The other Muppets tell Max that Tony Soprano is ‘out of control’ & the King replies, “He’s just scared.” So now we’re supposed to feel sorry for this brat & forgive his atrocious behavior because he sees how Tony Soprano is actually a larger scarier version of himself?
& if you think the film redeems itself with Max going home & apologizing profusely to his mother, you’ve got the wrong script – there’s no Kermit the Frog or Miss Piggy to point out how this insensitive child learned his lesson.
I could see where 8 year olds would think this movie was cool, but adults who like it should Never become parents – there are enough brats in the world already.
As Comic Book Guy would say, “Worst Muppet Movie EVER!”