Wednesday, December 16, 2009


“ZOMBIELAND” (Jessie Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone & Abigail Breslin)

This is one of those films where you’re better off leaving your brain at home.
Seriously, if there are any zombies in the audience, you really don’t want to tempt them by bringing in their favorite treat.
I am NOT a fan of straight zombie movies – In fact, I hate them. But I am a fan of gay zombie movies & “Zombieland” follows nicely in the footsteps of “Shaun Of The Dead” as a pretty funny spoof of a crappy genre.
Jessie Eisenberg plays ‘Columbus’ (Each character is referred to by their hometown)
It is his adventure thru Zombieland that the film follows. Oh, yes, Zombieland is post apocalyptic America in case you didn’t know. Columbus survives, despite being somewhat of a wimp because he follows his own set of rules on how to exist in Zombieland (i.e. Always check the back seat of a car before entering; Stay out of public restrooms; Remember to double tap – Shoot every zombie a second time in the skull to make sure they stay dead this time)
Staying in shape & limbering up are 2 more of the multiple list of rules because - as the opening sequence points out – the ‘fatties’ were the first to go since they couldn’t outrun the living dead.
As Columbus heads east in hopes of not becoming a human Happy Meal, he meets Tallahassee (AKA Florida) Woody Harrelson in another scene stealing role (He was the only reason to sit thru ‘2012’) Tallahassee is just the opposite of Columbus; he thrives in Zombieland because there is nothing he enjoys more than killing zombies. Tallahassee is also hell bent on finding the last box of Hostess Twinkies – at any cost.
When Columbus & Tallahassee encounter 2 sisters – Wichita & Little Rock (Emma Stone & Abigail Breslin) – Columbus informs the girls not to worry about Tallahassee’s crude demeanor; “He grows on you,” the young man assures before pausing to reconsider the statement... “No, he doesn’t – He actually gets worse.”
But the sisters have their own agenda & heading east isn’t on their battle plan, so they dump the men & leave them stranded. Just like in real-life America, the dumb males fall for this trick more than once.
The film climaxes in Hollywood where they break into the house of a well-known comedic actor, who happens to be Tallahassee’s idol. Supposedly revealing the surprise ‘cameo’ is a spoiler, so I’ll just say – It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this guy do anything this funny – from his ‘secret’ to surviving in a world full of zombies to the revelation that he spends most of his time... pleasuring himself, it is an enjoyable addition, especially since the film started to drag as the writers decided to create a love interest between Columbus & Wichita.
Does it matter that Hollywood is just as full of zombies as the rest of the country? Does it matter whether or not Tallahassee gets his hands on a twinkie? Does it matter that Zombieland doesn’t have an uplifting ending? No, it doesn’t – In fact, this film is just like ‘The Road’ except it’s completely different. Nothing is played for laughs in ‘The Road’ while everything is up for ridicule in ‘Zombieland’ – Yet I thought the same thing about both films when the screen faded to black at the end . . . & they were all killed & eaten the next day...

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