The BOOK OF ELI

“The BOOK OF ELI” (Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman & Mila Kunis)

Hello, my name is Jeff Albertson. You might know me better as ‘Comic Book Guy’ from The Simpsons. Mr. Reid asked me to write this review for him since he felt he must disqualify himself for hating it because of the heavily religious aspects of the film.

Naturally, my only drawback to this movie is that it was not based on a graphic novel (AKA comic book)
I had no problem with the hero of the story, Denzel Washington’s ‘Eli’, exhibiting extremely gory violence combined with the quoting of bible verses. Although Quentin Tarantino might want to sue the makers of this film for plagiarizing Samuel L. Jackson’s character from ‘Pulp Fiction’, I discerned a huge difference between the two characters; Jackson’s was entertaining, Washington’s was not.
My main complaint was the use of The Bee Gees song “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?” being combined with the piano from Chicago’s “Colour My World”! I mean, what was the point of that?

One would hope that these guys simply asked the set designers on ‘The Road’ to let them borrow the same dismal settings to film ‘Eli’ in. It is also the same story, except good guy Eli is more violent than the bad guys. “Put that hand on me again & you won’t get it back,” Eli warns a potential thief... I can only warn you that if you are the least bit squeamish that you close your eyes for a minute or so after hearing that line because the hand isn’t all that gets ‘removed’ in the gross & bloody scene that follows.
Like ‘The Road” the film opens in a post-apocalyptic America with the main character traveling toward the coast & encountering cannibals & various other ne’er-do-wells along the way.
Unlike ‘The Road’, the reason for the holocaust is explained, but the explanation also counters the ‘reason’ for Eli’s trek across the barren wasteland toward ‘salvation’.
To quote from my fellow animated South Park brethren, Johnnie Cochran, “It DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!”

Not even Gary Oldman, playing a meanie named Carnegie, can save this film. For some reason Carnegie believes that Eli’s coveted ‘book’ will allow him to ‘rule the world’... Just one problem with that lofty goal – there is NO world to rule over!
After witnessing Eli dismember several members of his crew, Carnegie invites Eli to become a part of his legion (Dwindling with each encounter with the title character)
Eli, to no one’s surprise, turns him down & after the obligatory shoot out at the O.K. Corral scene in which no one can manage to shoot Eli no matter how close they are to him & several bad guys decide to run out into the open to allow Eli a better shot at them, the chase is on as Carnegie & his illiterate underlings try to hunt down Eli & steal the holy book that will allow Carnegie to rule the world... I’m afraid I must agree with the usual writer of this blog & say, “That is just plain stupid!”
However, I did view this film with The Reverend & Mrs. Lovejoy & they both gave it an enthusiastic '4 thumbs up'.

Later in the film it is revealed that the works of Mozart & Shakespeare will also aide mankind to rebuild & replenish the earth with the very beings that caused it to burn after ‘the flash’.
My favorite scenes & I’m certain Mr. Reid will agree with me on this, were those involving actress Mila Kunis; a very beautiful young woman who brightens every scene she is in by just being there. Never mind how she not only survives, but walks away unscathed from a horrific car crash that kills everyone in the vehicle but her, we are all just thankful that she doesn’t mangle that pretty face & we get to continue to gaze upon her in awe.

If Ms. Kunis is in the cast, & there’s no reason for her not to be, I will look forward to the sequel, “The Second Coming Of Eli” because without her this is unquestionably the worst Denzel Washington movie EVER!