RACHEL GETTING MARRIED

“RACHEL GETTING MARRIED” (Anne Hathaway & Rosemarie DeWitt)
At one point during ‘Rachel Getting Married’ Anne Hathaway’s Kym sits in a NA meeting & whines about her pathetic life following a family tragedy that leads to her drug addiction - being, as we have witnessed many times prior to this scene, totally self-absorbed. Behind her sits a 30-ish male; head tilted to the side & slightly back, eyes shut and mouth agape; obviously sound asleep . . . Oh, how I envied that man!
Why, oh why couldn’t I have fallen asleep during this wretched film?
This movie is awful – very reminiscent of last year’s flop, ‘Margot At The Wedding’ and every bit as tedious & boring – maybe more-so if that’s at all possible.
I hated this film right from the opening scenes due to the amateurish camera work – Most of the movie is purposely meant to look as though it was being filmed by a family member (One that might possibly have Parkinson’s disease)
So it is like watching a home made video filled with unlikable, non-witty, whiney, self-centered babies. If that’s your idea of a fun evening – & remember these are the home movies of people you’ve never met – you’ll enjoy ‘Rachel Getting Married’. And IF you’re that easily entertained, then I’d like to invite you to my house so I can show you the video of my wedding ceremony & reception – Believe me, it has just as much entertainment value as ‘Rachel Getting Married’ & I won’t charge you $8 to get in!
‘Rachel’ is right up there (or should I say ‘down’ there?) with some of the worst movies of 2008; Is it as bad as ‘Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants 2’? Well, it didn’t have any lines nearly as funny as ‘the pants would have wanted it that way’ - Or those inane flicks ‘What Happens In Vegas’, ‘Fool’s Gold’ & ‘Over Her Dead Body’? Well, no it isn’t THAT bad – but for a movie that’s supposedly ‘Oscar’ material, it gets the award for biggest disappointment.
The plot is simple; Anne Hathaway’s Kym is released from rehab so she may attend her sister Rachel’s wedding. Nothing matters more to Kym that what affects Kym – how dare her sister NOT chose her drug addicted sister to be her Maid of Honor – Why are we talking about Rachel all the time when fabulous Kym is in the room? My constant smoking bothers you? Well, tough titties, I’m KYM, dammit – I can do whatever I want, I’m in rehab you know? By the time we learn about the horrible accident that sent Kym into a ‘suicidal downward spiral’ (She was previously just on an ‘average’ downward spiral) we DON’T CARE because Kym is an annoying little bitch who isn’t happy unless every eye in the room is focused on her & she is in the middle of making everyone uncomfortable by bringing them down to her level of depression... Her own family doesn’t want her around, so why should we want to view this abhorrent behavior for 2 hours?
But Kym ISN’T the worst part of this movie! Get a load of this intriguing plot twist –
For a good 10 minute chunk of wasted celluloid, director Jonathan Demme thought it would be a great idea to show two men loading a dishwasher with dirty dishes. Once again, I swear on a stack of Penthouse Forums, I AM NOT MAKING THAT UP.
Then we have to sit thru the ENTIRE WEDDING CEREMONY... from the cheesy band playing a Jimi Hendrix-style ‘Here Comes The Bride’ (I think the band members names were officially listed as’ the 2 kids that live next door’) to watching every bridesmaid traipse down the aisle while the female guests all ‘sing’ “Rachel” & the males sing “Sidney”(the groom) but, believe it or not, it actually gets worse than that – We are hopeful when the ‘nuptials’ are brief & to the point but then – Golly, I almost hate to spoil the surprise in case you STILL want to go & sit thru this disaster, but I’ll sleep better knowing that I gave you fair warning... Sidney(The whitest dark-skinned black man on the planet) sings Neil Young’s “Unknown Legend” a cappella (What, he didn’t know the words to “Helpless”?)
During this exasperating sequence I whispered to my wife, “From now on NO MORE movies with ‘MARRIED’ or ‘WEDDING’ in the title – Never Again!”
I appreciated the mixing of the races, but Demme just went overboard with it – Dad’s
2nd wife is black as well; Asians, Gays, Brits & Nerds all commingle together like one big international stew while The 2 kids that live next door jam with African drummers, Indian belly dancers & Jamaican Reggae singers.
Rosemarie DeWitt does an okay job as bride-to-be Rachel & I really liked Bill Irwin as the wishy-washy ‘why can’t we all just get along?’ Dad, but Debra Winger, whom I have never cared for, hasn’t improved with age – her cameo as Kym & Rachel’s mother is just short of embarrassing – she has one big flare up scene & then sleep-walks thru the rest of the film... & some have suggested this as a Best Supporting Actress nomination? You’ve got to be kidding me!
Saving Anne Hathaway for last – she’ll probably get nominated for this – Hollywood loves drunks & drug addicts - & she’s very good in the role; Kym is most definitely unlikable... but so is this movie. There is NO payoff at the end – the film finishes as blandly as it began. There WAS an interesting story to be told here, but Jonathan Demme chose not to tell it. Blow out all the wedding crap & focus instead on Kym’s ‘accident’ & how she might recover from it & you’ve got a potentially decent movie on your hands. Due to lack of competition this year, I’d have to place Anne in the Top 5 right now for Best Actress, but Angelina Jolie is so much better in ‘Changeling’ it shouldn’t even be a close vote.
I will end with the one good line I heard – Kym is offered a job by a woman who works at a Public Relations firm. Her response is, “I don’t think so... the public is afraid of me.”
Speaking on behalf of the public at large, allow me to add – The public doesn’t like you, either.